Limousine
by Seven Loves You So Much
Summary: When Clare gets in a horrible accident, she has to cope with memories and learn to live her new life, with the help of Eli Goldsworthy and Adam Torres.
1. Chapter 1

She didn't remember anything.

She knew she was sitting in a hospital bed, she knew what a hospital was, she just didn't remember anything. She could hear the loud beeping of the machine next to her, measuring her heart rate.

She could see the cuts and scrapes on her arms; she could feel slight pressure on her head and when she reached up, she felt there was a bandage there. Then suddenly, as if touching her head helped her, she remembered what had happened.

They had been driving, just her mother and her in the car. There was ice on the road, and they had been arguing over the radio station. Mom had wanted Christian rock, and she had just wanted a mellow rock station. Then suddenly when Clare heard screeching, they looked outside the windows to see a truck spiraling toward them. She remembered seeing a little seven-year old in the car, crying.

The truck had slammed into them with such force it was almost superhuman. Clare remembered getting out of the car, through the windshield, and onto the ground. She remembered looking down and instead of seeing her right leg, she saw a mangled bloody mess. Then, struggling to swallow the bile that rose in her throat from seeing her leg, she looked to her side and saw the child's decapitated head right next her.

That's when Clare started throwing. She noticed with distaste as the sickening fluid went everywhere, but she tried to stop it from the little girls sleeping face.

That was when Clare fainted.

Now she was in the hospital bed, pondering over what had happened. She automatically lifted the blanket, to check her right leg, instead, she saw her left leg and a stub, the stub stopped mid-thigh.

_No, _she thought. _This can't be happening. I'm just dreaming, I never went in the car, I'm at home dreaming._

She closed her eyes tightly and opened them seconds later. When she did not see the comforting scenery of her room, she started screaming. No. No no no.

She immediately saw doctors and nurses run into the room. Good. They can make this nightmare go away. "Where is my leg?" she screamed. She didn't mean to scream, but that was all she could manage at the moment.

She feel something sharp enter her arm, and with a parting thought, she saw the little girls blank eyes as she stared back at Clare.

…..

He hated himself

Good boyfriends were ones who would be in the hospital room, waiting for their girlfriend to wake up, but he couldn't bring himself to it.

He knew that a good boyfriend would force his way through the nurses, the run into Clare's room and kiss her with such ferocity that she would wake up, and find herself suddenly healed. He knew that he should yell at the nurses with such passion for Clare, that Clare would wake up and call for him, and the nurses and doctors transfixed at this young love, would let him in.

But, no.

He couldn't bear to see Clare sitting there, all pale and lifeless seeming.

When he'd gotten the call, he had been asleep. He had reached for the phone sourly to hear Clare's father sobbing on the other side "_They got into a car wreck! They're at the hospital!" _

He had woke up suddenly and felt as if his insides were burning. Not again. Julia had died by a car accident, but it didn't hurt this bad.

He had absentmindedly thrown on pajama pants and dialed Adams number numbly. "_What Eli?" _Adam's voice had annoyance in it, and this brought Eli to the surface. He had let out a dry sob. Adam immediately apologized and Eli told him through tears that Clare was in the hospital.

He ran past his parents, and when they asked what was wrong, he simply said "Clare. Car accident." And they understood. Focusing on stringing together sentences was not on Eli's mind right then. He had shakily gotten into Morty and cautiously driven himself there.

And here he was. Adam was right next to him, his big blue eyes staring off into the distance sadly. His breathing was ragged, matching Eli's.

Then, out of nowhere there was a bloodcurdling scream. He shot out of his chair, as he recognized the scream as Clare's. The screamed had sounded like and animal being tortured, like a child getting sliced into pieces, the kind of scream you would expect in horror films.

He then heard Clare distinctly scream "_Where is my leg?" _

Her leg? Holy mother of Christ, her leg.

A doctor walked out of the room, Eli caught up with him and put his hand on the doctors shoulder. "What happened?" he said softly, not wanting to really form the words.

"Son, we had to amputate her right leg."

The words cut through Eli. He widens is eyes and takes his hand off the doctors shoulder. He stands there, not accepting it. It couldn't be his Clare.

Right by him, he can hear Adam crying loudly. He suddenly feels tears streaming down his face. He walks over to his chair and sits down. With that, he lets himself slip away.

…..

Adam had been on top of Fiona, his hands roaming her body. He had his tongue shoved into the bowels of her mouth when he got the call. He pulled away and groaned to look at his phone. When he saw the caller ID say Eli, he clicked the button forcefully and answered in an annoyed voice.

He was pissed. He _finally _ was making out with Fiona and he was totally getting turned on when he had to get interrupted. All of his anger melted away when he heard Eli sob. He quickly apologized, and when Adam found out about Clare, he shakily told her in a voice that did not sound like his own, say goodbye to Fiona.

He walked absently to the hospital and when he saw Eli, he felt even more horrible.

How hard was this for Eli?

He sat down next to him and stared blankly at the ground. What happened? Is she okay? Is her mom okay? What caused this?

He heard a tortured scream and he heard Clare's voice yell "_Where is my leg?" _ and he closed his eyes.

He didn't need to know more, he knew what happened. Clare was now an amputee.

Apparently Eli didn't understand though. When Adam heard the words spoken aloud, he just let it go.

**My first story, this will have more chapter soon, hope you like it.**


	2. Chapter 2

That little girl was seven.

_Seven._

Never able to walk the world again. _Well, I won't be able to either,_ Clare thought sullenly. She stabbed her spoon at her pudding, disgusted with herself for even thinking a thought like that. I mean, this little girl didn't have a life anymore, and Clare was comparing their misery? Not cool.

She had denied visitors; she didn't want Eli to see her like this. Would he still want her? Did he care that she was a . . . cripple?

_Cripple._

No, that can't happen to her, this kind of thing only happened to people in books, people in movies, not people like her.

_Handicapped. _

Jesus, she was handicapped. Would her mother have to park in those special spots now? Would she have to press a button to open a door?

_Disabled._

God, people would send her stupid little pity looks the rest of her life. She hated pity.

_Amputee._

Damn it! She had no leg!

She rubbed her face in her hands and couldn't help but wonder, what _will _Eli do? After all, who wanted to be with a girl who has a stub for a right leg, right?

Well, no time but the present.

She pressed the buzzer and within two minutes a nurse came in her room. "What would you like, sweetie?" Clare noticed the nurse's eyes glance down at her leg, and she bunched the blanket so as to cover the flatness of half the bed.

"Um, I would like visitors now, please." She began shakily, fiddling with her thumbs. The nurse gave a piercing smile and walked out in the room. In twenty seconds tops Eli ran in with Adam. Eli stopped halfway to take in the sight. Clare was sitting there and the upper half of her body was normal, but when you looked down, you could see the lump of her left leg trail down. But when you looked to the right side, you could see a fourth of a lump, then flatness.

Clare noticed Eli looking too and crossed her left leg over her right to make it seem normal looking. It was uncomfortable, but whatever way it took to keep Eli she didn't mind.

"I'm so glad you're okay, you have no idea-"he trailed off, unable to continue.

Clare sniffled, but then her face grew grimmer. "Eli," she began," I can understand that you must feel conflicted, and, I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore." She croaked.

Eli's eyes widened in disbelief. "Whoa Clare, just because you're missing a leg doesn't mean that my feelings change. Unless you don't wanna-?" he trailed off again, afraid she would complete his worst nightmare.

She shook her head vigorously. "No, no, of course not." And for the first time today, he saw her smile."

"Sooo . . . is this pudding any good?"

Adam's voice broke the two out of their reverie. They both chuckled. Clare shrugged, "I don't know." Adam thought about, then plunged his finger in, scooping a healthy amount of pudding on it, and then stuffed it into his mouth. Two second after he put it in though, his face scrunched up as he continually scraped his tongue against the roof of his mouth so as to get rid of the flavor.

"Top hospital service my butt . . ." he mumbled under his breath.

Clare laughed again, happy to have her old friends back, but a sudden thought struck her, "Guys, what happened to the others?" she frowned.

Eli sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Your mom's okay," he began, before she could ask.

"But, the little seven- year old didn't make it. And her father is alive, but not good condition."

Clare remembered the little girl, and when she thought about how she had laughed minutes ago, she felt sick with herself. Why should she be laughing? Her leg was gone and she was _laughing? _A poor little girls head was lying in the street and she was _laughing? _After this thought, she sobered up.

After a couple minutes of awkward silence, Clare broke the ice.

"I knew the little girl was dead. I also know she was decapitated. You don't have to hide things like that, you know." She added, furrowing her brow.

Eli looked up, shocked. "How did you . . .?"

Clare shook her head. "I was thrown through the windshield and when I looked around me; her head was right next to mine, her body far away."

Eli let out a strangled cry, and ran out the door. She saw him turn to the male's bathroom.

She faced back to Adam.

"Listen Clare, I get what you're thinking now."

"Do you? Do you really Adam? Because you have both legs, and you didn't see the head of a seven year old right next to you, did you?"

"Clare, I-"

"No!" she continued fiercely. "I didn't think so! And you know, I can see that you keep on looking at my leg, don't try to hide it" she snapped when she saw Adam look away, embarrassed.

Before she could talk again though, Adam too had a rebuttal. "You think its easy being a transgender? You think its fun? God Clare! At least you were born in the right body! And Eli! You think it's easy for him to see his girlfriend without an important limb? And the fact that you bring up a dead seven year old does _not _help out this situation at all!

"I get that you feel conflicted, and I want you to know, we're not leaving. No matter how hard you push us away, we're not going. You can try, but I promise you that we will make it through. And if you have a problem with that, then I'm sorry." Adam finished after taking in a deep breath.

Clare sat there, bewildered. She shut her open mouth and breathed deeply and said, "I'm sorry Adam. I-I just thought-"

Adam shook his head and cut her off. "No, no. I'm sorry. It was really rude for me to say, and I apologize."

Clare shrugged. "Promise me something?" She asked tentatively.

"Anything." Adam said without missing a beat.

"Promise me you won't think of me differently, just the same Clare you know and love."

"You can bet on it."

…..

**Well, there was so much positive feedback that I couldn't help but writing another chapter. I hope you guys like it, I'm trying to capture the struggling and trauma, but I don't think I am, lol. Oh well. Good night.**


	3. Chapter 3

_K, here's your ride.  
Get your petals out and lay them in the aisle  
Pretend your garden grows,  
And it's your own day to wed_

Clare attended the little girl's funeral. She felt that it was the least she could do, as she felt a part of her was involved.

Clare had been home for a week and a half. She had stayed at that hospital for a month, slowly healing. They had managed to recover her knee and perform surgery and she would be able to use it when she got her prosthetic leg. If they hadn't saved it, she would have been to walk at the hip, a task that was harder than walking with the knee.

Right at this moment, though, she was on crutches. She would always have someone behind her, just in case she lost her balance. Eli was currently next to her, his head bowed in respect. Clare noticed this as she looked around, she could see people's eyes cast down, their head almost touching the floor, and she couldn't bring herself to it.

She could hear the whispers from the family members of the girl, both from her nuclear family and others. She shifted uncomfortably on her crutch. Upon hearing the lightest touch of fabric against rubber, Eli looked up, his eyes stained with worry. Clare wasn't usually that stable on her crutches. She smiled softly at him. She felt pressure build behind her eyes, and she started to notice how her vision started blurring ever so slightly. _Great, _she thought. _Now I'm going to start crying, and people will look, and then they'll look at my leg and then I'll . . . I'll . . ._ before she knew it, she was already crying.

She quickly wiped under her eyes and tried to look presentable until she realized the situation at hand and a fresh wave of tear started cascading down her cheeks. She sniffed a little, and she noticed that Eli put a hand on her shoulder. She welcomed it; she craved it. She craved to be normal and not have any of this happen. She wished to be whole, that was the least she could offer Eli.

_This signal interrupts  
baby's frequency not strong enough  
Remain in my hands and smile.  
"We will miss you but in time you'll get settled  
and we will write"_

When Clare got home, she was built up with rage. She didn't know where it came from, nor did she know how to get rid of it. She could feel pressure in her head, and she found breathing harder. Her limbs felt the need to move, her voice the need to scream, her heart the need to hurt.

She crutched in her house, left with her mom and Eli. A little voice in the back of her head was sorry for them, as Clare made it her duty to focus her anger at them.

"Clare, could you get me the . . . oh, never mind." Her mother covered quickly.

Clare felt herself balloon up with rage, how could her mother do something like that. "What?1 What were you going to say?" She felt annoyed that her mother didn't continue her sentence, a habit she had never been bothered by before.

Clare's mom looked bewildered. She opened her mouth to speak, but her voice fell.

"What, I can't do things now? I can't help you or anything? Is it because I'm cripple?" Clare screeched.

Eli was the first to recover. "Whoa Clare, I'm sure she just meant . . ." he tried to cover, not able to finish his sentence either.

"Well that's just great, huh? Why don't you and Mom throw a party! You both can do things I can't ! Whoop-Dee-fuckin-doo!" Clare bellowed.

Now Eli was shocked. He had never heard Clare cuss, and when he did he was often scolded by her. He made his way calmly over to her and put his hand on her upper arm gently. She shrugged it off and folded her arms across her chest, forgetting she needed them for her crutches.

She fell backward, surprised, and hit the ground with a soft thud. She looked around in distress and let herself rack out some sobs. It was so unfair; she couldn't even _stand _without crutches anymore. She covered her face in her hands and Eli kneeled down to her, rubbing her back. "I-I'm so s-sor-ry!" she sobbed.

Eli nodded his head. "Of course. You just needed to relieve some stress. We will get through this, you know that, right?"

Clare looked up at him, her eyes wet and tinged red. "You think so?"

He nodded solemnly. "I know so."

**Okay, so that was basically a filler chapter, sorry for the long wait, I'll have the next chapter up this weekend. Please review, it makes me giggle with glee!**


	4. Chapter 4

"Clare," Helen Edwards started cautiously. "I think you should go back to school soon."

Clare Edwards, who had been sitting in her wheelchair watching _The Sound of Music_, looked up to her mother with bewilderment drawn all over her face. Helen bit her upper lip nervously. Clare merely stared with her mouth open, gaping.

"I just mean, you're going to go back sooner or later so why not now? Don't you want to catch up?" Helen said, trying to get Clare out of her stump.

Clare shook her head, blinking her eyes as if she was cleaning out her head. Slowly she came back to earth and answered shakily, "Of course, I'm just kind of anxious to go back, you know?" Helen nodded vigorously.

"So it's settled, you'll be going to school on Wednesday. I'll let you skip Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday will get you used to it."

Clare took a deep breath and smiled, "Yeah. Of course."

…..

Clare Edwards Took her crutches out and crutched the way up the small steps. There were many people outside, all of them early. The moment she had come out of the car, she could feel stares directed at her and she couldn't help but feel her face get hot.

But right now, she was staring ahead pointedly, avoiding people's gazes. She crutched her way into the school, making her way to her locker.

"Clare!" she heard some familiar voice calling her and she turned around to see Jenna walking to her.

"How are you doing? Oh, I've missed you so much!" Jenna squealed.

Clare smiled. Their friendship had been reconciled thanks to Alli before the Vegas Night dance. It felt good to have a friend with her. "Oh you know, I'm fine. And I missed you too." Jenna's eyes brightened at this statement.

"Um, why don't I take you backpack for you? Must be a pain with it on those crutches." Jenna offered politely.

Clare shook her head. "No, it's not that bad. I think I can handle it." Jenna furrowed her brow, but didn't press on.

Clare swallowed; she too felt the uneasiness in the air. "So how are you and K.C. doing?"

…

It was an accident, she was sure of that.

When she felt someone brush by her, she didn't mind. But when her crutches were knocked from under her, that's when she did.

She lay on the ground for a few moments, everybody watching her reaction, none of them helping. Under all these stares she couldn't help but feel stupid and she could already feel her face on fire. She couldn't even speak, and the heavy pressure on her eyes threatening to explode with a waterfall of tears.

She sat up, now propping herself on her arms, her crutches were far away, and it looked like no one was going to get them anytime soon.

"Move aside, dumbasses." Clare half hoped it was Eli, but soon remembered he was home sick with the flu. She then recognized the ringing voice of Holly J.

"God, why doesn't one of you move your arms and get the crutches? Or do you guys really have only one joint brain cell I haven't heard about?" Holly J rolled her eyes with disgust and handed Clare her crutches.

"Here sweetie, now let's get you to a bathroom." Holly J said kindly, sympathy filling her eyes. She followed behind Clare to the nearest bathroom and when Clare was inside, she immediately ran to the wall sobbing. She slowly moved down the wall and onto the floor. She racked her cries, and the loud noise left a bit of an echo in the once quiet bathroom.

"Darcy would have been proud-you know," Holly J said as she slid next to Clare. "She was a good person; she had her heart in the right place. I'm sure right now if she saw you she would be happy that you're so strong."

Clare hiccupped. "Yeah right, there's nothing to be proud about a cripple."

Holly J shook her head furiously. "The only time you're a cripple is when you believe you are one. Being disabled is only in the mind; a thought process. You are only a cripple, if you let yourself believe you are one."

Clare looked up to her, with eyes shining. "Thank you, for helping me out there you know."

Holly J gave a little sad smile. "Don't worry about it. I don't get why nobody helped, though."

Clare stared at the ground. "They were probably scared, I know I was."

They both sat there for a moment. Holly J finally spoke, "I'm sure we can still catch lunch, I mean, we have like half an hour left."

Clare looked up at her. "Sure, and thank you, Holly J."

"Hey, just because I was bitchy to your sister, doesn't mean I can be rude to Little Edwards."

…..

'**Kay, so I'm getting all of these notifications that people favorite my story, or alerted it, but I never see reviews! I honestly do want your feedback! BTW, check out my other story, White Van.**


	5. Chapter 5

Walking around the mall with Eli was harder than she remembered. Of course, Eli slowed sown his pace a little as Clare crutched along with him. They were window shopping and just having fun. But what Clare didn't anticipate were the penetrating stares she was getting.

The way people looked at her, it was as if she were an alien or a horribly grotesque creature. She stared straight ahead, determined to not make eye contact with anyone. She listened intently on a funny story Eli was telling that involved him, Adam, and his pants on fire.

Clare laughed at how into the story Eli was getting. He moved his arms all around the place to accentuate his feeling, his mouth moving rapidly to include _every _little detail, and how his body was turned to her as he walked backwards in order to fully look at her.

Another thing Clare noticed was the way some people looked at Eli. Some looks that were directed to him were pity, sadness, righteous (she expected they thought good of him just because he was hanging with a cripple), surprise, and longing (this came mostly from the ladies.)

They both turned to the food court and made their way to the middle. In the middle of the food court was a huge room that was made of glass and window panes. There were plants everywhere, and there was no roof. They walked into the room (which they had dubbed the greenhouse) and sat down. Once Eli got Clare situated in her seat, he went off to go order food for them.

Once he left, Clare closed her eyes. She sat there, just breathing in the scents of the many flowers in pots there and tried to lose herself. She opened her mouth ever so slightly so she could breathe a little better, and she immediately felt collected with herself.

By now she fully opened her mouth, breathing it all in. She felt so calm, and this moment was ruined when she heard the door opened,

She popped open her eyes and instead of seeing Eli like she thought, she instead saw two teenage girls probably a year younger than her.

She could see out of the corner of her eye that they were open mouthed staring at her. They started giggling to each other and started whispering things about Clare that she didn't like hearing about herself.

Clare felt both anger and tears build up and before she could calm herself she snatched up her crutches and limped over to them.

"You think it's funny, do you?" she spat at them. "You think that it is funny to . . . to . . . _talk _about a cripple like that? It's disgusting, what you're saying. You might as well make fun of a retarded person for not being normal." She yelled.

The whole food court got silent, as they could all hear what Clare was saying. The girls both were speechless until the one on the left spoke up. "Whoa, what did we ever do to you?"

Clare laughed bitterly. "Oh please, don't think I can't hear how you laugh at me, how you make jokes. The real question is what did I ever do to you?"

Both the girls sat there, petrified.

"Do you think I _want _to be an amputee? That I asked for it?" Clare asked harshly. She heard the door open and spun around to see Eli walking over to her. Once he got to her, he snaked an arm around her waist and said, "C'mon Clare, let's get you home."

Clare nodded stiffly and started crutching very fast out of the room and out of the food court. She was very aware of the fact that all eyes were on her, and she loathed the feeling.

Frustration and anger piled up inside of her head and she was met with a lot of pressure in her mind, she longed to do something to relieve the pressure; but she figured that screaming in the middle of a mall wouldn't help.

Eli caught up with her soon and walked brusquely with her out of the nearest mall exit. When the two finally made it to Eli's hearse in complete silence that was when Eli talked.

"Clare . . . say something. Please." He begged as he turned to her in the front seat of his car. Clare (who had her arms folded across her chest) just looked ahead and shrugged.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked with a hard edge to her voice. "That it wasn't true what they said? Because you know and I know that it was true." She said the last part finally looking at him, a cold stare in her eyes.

"Clare, you can't let it get to you. You have to be the bigger person."

Tears started rolling down Clare's cheeks. "Why do _I _have to be the bigger person?" she cried, in full tears now.

Eli rested a hand on her thigh comfortingly, "Because there are still people in this world who just don't understand tha-"his voice was cut off by a loud rumble of his stomach. Upon hearing the monster like growl, Clare laughed and she felt like herself again. She smiled a genuine smile at him and said, "We never did get our food, did we?"

…

**You're gonna hate me for ending it right there, but I'm seriously going to update in a few days and this is actually building up to something dramatic that happens in the next chapter, so stay tuned!**


	6. Chapter 6

Eli walked into Clare's room. He held up his wrist to check the time. 6:03, a little off schedule, but oh well. "Clare . . ." he says in a soothing tone. When she makes no movement, he takes the whistle hanging from his neck and blows hard on it, causing Clare to practically jump out of her bed. Once she adjusts to being woken up early, she narrows her eyes, trying to get used to the light. "Care to explain why you're here at," she turned to check her bedside clock. "6:00 in the morning?"

Eli rolled his eyes. "_Please _babe, like I would wake you up at six. It's 6:03."

Clare jutted out her chin. "Well excuse _me._ Now, do you wanna tell me what you're doing here at 6:03?" she growled.

Eli grinned cheekily. "That's the morning bird I love, now, I figured since you're out of the hospital we could work on some PT."

She furrowed her brow. "PT?"

"Uh, chyaa Clare, PT. Like, physical therapy? I hear all the cool kids are doing it." He said, winking.

"Okay, I understand that but why right now? And it's freezing outside, this is Canada, not Texas! Besides, its winter break and I've finally caught up with school . . ." Clare whined, falling back onto her bad and burrowing her face into her pillow.

Eli mock sighed. "I guess we'll have to do this the hard way." He mumbled, loud enough for her to hear. Before she could protest, though, he blew hard on his whistle multiple times. He got out the little megaphone he had been stowing away in his pants and started yelling into it. "LET'S MOVE ON, COME ON COME ON, MOVE IT!" he boomed, in drill sergeant-esque nature.

Before Clare could protest though, Clare's mother ran in. "Whasgoinon?" she mumbled, her eyes almost all the way closed. Eli put his hands on her shoulders, steering her out of Clare's room. "It's okay Mrs. Edwards, this is just a dream." He said in a soothing tone. Her mom nodded and turned to walk away when she crashed into the doorframe. Unfazed, she moved over a little and made her way back to bed.

Clare scowled and moved out of the bed to get dressed, knowing that Eli would put up a fight if she stayed in bed. She noticed Eli sitting in her swivel chair, his hands clasped together.

"Um, I'm about to get dressed, so if you wanna leave . . ." she said, not really asking a question.

Eli just grinned mischievously back at her. "Hmmm, nah. I'm fine."

Clare raised her eyebrows. "Really, you wanna see the scrapes and skin of the bottom of my amputated leg?" she threatened, knowing that it grossed Eli out to no length when she mentioned the goriness of the bottom of her right leg.

Eli grimaced and quickly stood up; almost sprinting into the hall.

….

It was snowing, it was freezing cold, and all Eli was doing was standing in one place holding a timer. Clare was pondering on this thought as she crutched her way around the block for the third time. Eli kept making her go around trying to get a better time with each round. Of course, every time she passed Eli he had that same goofy grin on, the same grin that used to make Clare's heart melt.

Right now though, there was nothing that could melt any of her body parts right now, as the snow was flowing everywhere. She was on the other side of the block, where Eli could not see as he was on the opposite side.

She was still mumbling inaudible things under her breath when she felt a sharp pain in her right knee, causing her to fall. Stunned, she lay on the ground and held her leg. She had not been using it at all in this exercise, and it was only through the copious amounts of pain that she realized something might be terribly wrong.

She tried to stand up, a little sliver of hope that she could reach Eli, but that was all crushed when the pain came along again; only stronger. The only thing she could compare this pain was to the pain she felt when the truck smashed into her and she had gotten thrown through the windshield. She could remember clearly the way the hard glass shattered when it met her front, the way she was picking out pieces of glass while laying on the street.

The only thing she thought of doing was too put ice on her knee. The pain had been making tears stream violently down Clare's face as she openly sobbed. Her mouth was slightly open so she could taste the saltiness of her tears. The snow upon impact only made things feel a fraction better. The cold of the snow made the knee numb on the outside; but still a fire on the outside.

The doctors told her that it was a damn lucky miracle that they had somehow saved her knee, and Clare thought about how they would probably have to work on it again after this.

She was sobbing so hard now; calling Eli's name, hoping that somehow he could hear her from this far away. He was probably standing there, looking around with his nose red from the cold, his eyes squinting so they could sustain their moisture against the harsh wind. He probably thought that she had given up and started walking.

Clare called out his name once more and when she got no reply, she laid down on the ground, unable to move, and unable to call for help. After what seemed like hours though, Eli came jogging around the corner, but when he saw Clare in a crumpled heap, he began running as fast as he could to get to her. Once he reached her, he shook her hard to see if she was still conscious. When she lifted her head up, and he saw her blue eyes greatly contrasted with the red lining of the after effect of tears he scooped her up along with her crutches and walked as fast as he could to Clare's house.

It was still too early in the morning, so he started up some hot chocolate for Clare. He walked back up to where she was laying; being kept warmly in the blankets Eli had rummaged through their hall closet to find. "Clare," he said softly, adding some smoothness to his voice. "You're gonna have to tell me what happened."

Clare wiped at her eyes. "I was crutching and I-I got this h-horrible pain in my knee." She stuttered, still kind of frozen from the gripping weather. "It was really bad, so bad that I couldn't get you." Eli nodded solemnly. Sudden an idea occurred to him.

He began peeling off the sheets and said in another soothing voice, "How does your knee feel right now?" he asked, fearing the worse.

Clare shrugged. "I don't feel anything. It's just numb. Why?"

Eli nodded, a blank look in his eyes. "Can you move your knee for me?" he watched her knee as it did nothing. Looking up to Clare, he saw that she had her brow deeply furrowed and her face began to look angry as she tried to move it.

"Clare, I think we need to go to the hospital,"

….

"Clare, we're going to have to cut the knee off." The doctor told Clare seriously.

Clare, (still hyped up from the sedatives they'd given her) nodded happily with a grin and sang, "Cut it off! Cut it off!" like a vamp song.

The doctor sighed and called into the hallway. "Can we get some nurses to handle the patient?" HE asked loudly.

Clare bounced in her seat, excited. "Is it gonna be like a par-tay? No one knows! Not even Steven Michael! Whoever that is!" she continued singing. Clare was what some people would call had low tolerance for drug. The doctor figured this out as Clare broke into song about things she saw in the room, and began wailing like an opera singer.

When two nurses shuffled into the room and set her to sleep, he began leading them the way to the operating table where he would now be removing Clare Edwards' knee.

…

**Wowza, we got chalk full drama up in tharr! I want to thank tacokins for leaving me that review, and yes. I do try to come up with different things you wouldn't find on this archive. I also wanna thank ourfragilesouls (AKA, my bff) for joining and giving me her feedback through text! I will update White Van tomorrow, don't you wait!**


	7. Chapter 7

Depression was a part of the healing process.

So, why did she experience it so much? Why did she always have this cloud like it seemed, hanging over her all the time?

Clare sat on the corner of her bed, the sheets around her as she stared at the floor dejectedly. The news had come on, telling the story of the lost life of the little girl in the car wreck she was in. _Surely God will give her another life to live in, right? It wasn't fair, _she thought silently to herself.

Maybe it was the recent loss of her knee that made her depressed or the actual story of the car crash that made her depressed, she didn't know which. Maybe she had gone so happy for long that it was finally time for the depression to really hit her.

Eli might have been able to understand, what with Julia's death and all, but did he see her head lying there in the middle of the street? Did he see her crying face one second before the collision? Sure, he had believed it was his fault, and in reality, it was really Clare's fault. If she hadn't been arguing with her mother about which radio station to choose, maybe they wouldn't have drove so quickly into that patch of ice.

Maybe one little girl would still have her life today.

Yes, she had seen the little girl's mother, and it had broken her soul. Her mother wailed and sobbed instead of crying, and Clare knew that she took away the most precious thing in this mother's life. Even when the husband tried to comfort her, she pushed him away roughly and stood by herself.

Clare also didn't feel as if it were a fair trade- a leg for a life.

She got pity wherever she went, and it bothered her greatly. _Don't I deserve this? _She would ask herself sometimes.

It sure as hell felt like it.

Sometimes she wished that she had gone into a comatose state when she arrived at the hospital, so as to avoid the feelings and thoughts and natural emotions that came along with the outcome of the car accident.

She also wondered what it would feel like to be in a coma. In fact, sometimes she wished she never would have survived the car accident. What's the use? A leg and a half and complete fault over a young girl's death- a girl who had hopes, fantasies, and dreams. A young girl who loved to color pictures, who loved to play dollies, who loved to sing. A young girl with a future that was abruptly taken away from her, without her even getting to say goodbye or do something meaningful.

And yet here Clare was, a bright future ahead of her, a loving boyfriend, and an amazing family for the most part.

But then again, that girl could have it too, right?

Even walking to the bathroom was a struggle, and she felt worthless. She was the girl that everyone wrote off now and never got to know. The one who people automatically thought they knew everything about. Damn that ice.

She didn't even do thing's the same way again. The poppy, peppy music she used to listen to had never been heard since she got back from the hospital. The bright, floral clothes that she used to wear lay unused in her closet, probably not going to come out in a long time.

She found herself limping with her crutches to the bathroom. The floor creaked every time the hard rubber on her crutches hit it, almost like a beat that wouldn't stop until she commanded it to. She flicked on the light and adjusted her eyes to the sudden brightness. It wasn't like her to take a bath this late at night, but her mother and father were out and she just felt like cleaning herself. She turned the dial in the bathtub and waited for the water to fill up.

Sparingly, she washed her hands in the sink. The water felt nice and cool on her fingers, and she was glad that she was able to wash her hands. At least she didn't need to walk for it. She flipped the warm switch on the sink and felt the water slowly warm up until it became a sting on her hands and she decided it was time to stop. She dried her hands gingerly on the towel, and looked into the mirror.

And, oh god.

There she was.

There were stitches across her neck where it looked like someone had sewn it back on.

Her eyes were emotionless and white, staring straight into her eyes.

Clare turned around immediately, her heart pounding furiously to see that the little girl wasn't there.

It was the little girl she had been thinking about nonstop for the past few days. The one she was sure could see her from heaven, the one she was sure saw her before her head was sliced off by the seatbelt that was restraining her. The little girl that haunted her in her dreams every night, the one who had her screaming in the middle of the night sometimes, the one who had her crying and shaking uncontrollably after a particularly bad dream.

When she saw that she wasn't there, she almost felt her pulse drop to a lower rate immediately.

Leaning over the sink, she cried to herself loudly.

….

She was up late again.

She had stayed up a lot the past weeks, more as in lack of desire to sleep, rather than for fun.

But tonight it was horrible. She kept on remembering the day in the bathroom, and it scared her enough not to go to sleep tonight.

Slowly, she settled herself into bed and couldn't help but feel a nagging suspicion that someone was watching her.

…..

**Oh wow. I haven't updated in forever, but I wanted to tell you I'm really gonna start taking a turn with this story, and I think Eli will be in the next chapter. I just want to tell you to review, and I would love some criticism and comments!**


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